At Purrfect Drop Insurance Assessors, we understand that discovering a broken object is an emotional experience. You are tired, you are confused, and you have just stepped on something. This guide takes you through the claims process in plain, calm language, and with only the occasional sigh.
Step one: remain calm
Do not shout. Shouting will not return the object to its shelf, and it will alarm the cat, which makes the assessment more difficult. Sit down, take a breath and note the time. If the cat is present, do not make eye contact. The cat knows what it did.
Step two: gather the evidence
Our adjusters will need the following items. Please place them in a clear bag and leave them on the hall table, where they will be at risk.
- All fragments larger than a thumbnail
- A photograph of the shelf, taken from a respectful distance
- A short written statement, including the words “I heard a noise”
- One witness, ideally not the cat
Please do not attempt to glue the object back together. Glue is considered an act of denial and will reduce your payout by roughly the cost of the glue.
Step three: submit Form 1A
Form 1A is available at our office, on our website and also beneath whatever you have just put down. It asks six questions. Where was the object? Where is it now? Who was home? What were they doing? What was the cat doing? And finally, how does it make you feel? The final question is not scored. It is simply pleasant to be asked.
Step four: await the visit
A Purrfect Drop adjuster will arrive within five to ten working days, or at 3 AM, whichever is sooner. They will wear a small hat, carry a clipboard and inspect your shelf at length. They may sit on your sofa and look at you without comment. This is standard procedure and should not be interpreted as judgment, though it is.
During the inspection, please refrain from offering tea. Our adjusters are not permitted to accept hospitality, other than a saucer of cream, a warm cushion and any sardines you may have.
Step five: receive your decision
Within thirty days you will receive a letter outlining our findings. The letter will be written in a formal tone and sealed with a paw print. It will say one of three things:
- Your claim is approved in full. This is rare, and usually follows a very sad photograph.
- Your claim is approved in part. This is the most common outcome, and we recommend preparing a small speech.
- Your claim is declined on the grounds that the object “was at the edge”. See our Frequently Declined Claims page.
What counts as a covered event
Covered events include objects pushed, knocked, nudged, rolled or considered at length. They do not include objects dropped by humans, thrown by humans or subject to what we politely call “Tuesday”. If you are uncertain whether your event is covered, please call our helpline, which is answered by a cat who is asleep.
A word from our Chief Assessor
“Every claim is a story,” says Lord Fluffington Claims, our Chief Assessor, “and every story ends with a shard. We read each one with care and then we file it under F.”
We are here for you, in a slow, attentive and mostly horizontal way. Thank you for choosing Purrfect Drop Insurance Assessors, and please mind the pieces.
Frequently asked questions
Can I claim for emotional distress? Yes, provided the distress is accompanied by a receipt. We regret that we cannot insure feelings that arrived without one.
How long should I keep the fragments? We ask that fragments be kept for a minimum of ninety days, in a drawer, away from the cat. After ninety days, you may dispose of them, though many households find that they cannot.
What if the cat is also the policyholder? In this case the claim will be treated as a family matter, and the adjuster will quietly leave the room.
Tips for avoiding future claims
- Place valuable objects behind a closed door, and tell the cat the door is a wall
- Keep a decoy object, such as a bottle cap, near every edge
- Offer a bowl of treats on the opposite side of the room whenever you leave
- Accept that none of the above will work
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