Purrfect Drop Insurance Assessors

Tag: fine print

  • FAQ: What Is a Deductible, and Why Is It Always the Cat’s Fault?

    FAQ: What Is a Deductible, and Why Is It Always the Cat’s Fault?

    A deductible is the amount you pay before we pay. This FAQ explains the concept using a simple example.

    What is a deductible?

    Imagine a mug is knocked from a table and breaks. The mug was worth ten coins. Your deductible is five coins. You pay five coins, and we pay five coins, less a handling fee, less a reduction for the edge.

    Why is there one?

    Deductibles ensure that policyholders take care of their belongings. We believe nothing encourages tidiness like a small financial loss.

    Can I reduce my deductible?

    Yes. For a higher premium, you can have a lower deductible. For a lower premium, you can have a higher deductible. For no premium, you can have our sympathy.

    Is it always the cat’s fault?

    Not always. Sometimes it is the dog, a child or a draught. In those cases the claim is handled by a different department, which is also a cat.

    A worked example

    A policyholder owns a ceramic teapot worth forty coins. The teapot is knocked from a counter and shatters. The policyholder has a deductible of ten coins. We assess the teapot at thirty five coins, since it was already chipped. We deduct ten coins, leaving twenty five, and then subtract a handling fee of two coins. The policyholder receives twenty three coins, a letter and a long look.

    Tips for choosing a deductible

    If you have a cat who naps all day, choose a low deductible, since you will rarely need it. If you have a cat who patrols at night, choose a high deductible, since you will need it often. If you have two cats, choose a very high deductible and a very strong cup of tea.

    Final thoughts

    A deductible is not a punishment. It is a conversation between you, us and the floor. We hope this answers your questions, and we hope you will keep the receipt.

  • Press Release: We Have Introduced a Policy for Pre Existing Edges

    Press Release: We Have Introduced a Policy for Pre Existing Edges

    Purrfect Drop Insurance Assessors today announced a new product, Pre Existing Edge Cover, designed for households whose furniture already has edges. This covers about all of them.

    What is covered

    • Shelves, ledges and mantelpieces
    • Desks, side tables and window sills
    • The top of the fridge, which has been under review for years

    What is not covered

    Edges that arise after the policy begins are not covered, since they are considered “new information”. Edges that are only imagined are also excluded, although we are aware that most edges begin this way.

    Quote

    “We know that many households live with edges every day,” said Lord Fluffington Claims. “We want them to feel less alone. Also, we want their money.”

    How to apply

    Visit our office, or wait. We will come to you. We always do, usually through the cat flap.

    Eligibility

    To be eligible for Pre Existing Edge Cover, a household must have at least one edge on the premises. A household with no edges, such as a spherical home, may apply for a different product, the Round Cover, which does not exist yet but is under review.

    Examples of covered events

    A candle is nudged from a mantel and lands in a slipper. A jar of buttons is rolled from a desk and distributed across the hall. A houseplant is encouraged to the floor by a determined paw. In each case the household will be reimbursed according to the schedule, less the edge reduction.

    Terms

    The policy has a cooling off period of fourteen days, which the company considers to be an ample time for a cat to form an opinion. Premiums are payable monthly, weekly or in the form of a heavy sigh. The company reserves the right to alter these terms at any time, at three in the morning, from the top of a cupboard.

  • Frequently Declined Claims: The Short List

    Frequently Declined Claims: The Short List

    Every year we handle thousands of claims, and every year we are asked why some of them are not paid. This list explains the ten most frequent reasons, in descending order, with a note on each from our adjusters.

    The list

    1. The object was on the edge. Any object on an edge is considered to have made a choice.

    2. The object was already cracked. An object that is cracked has had a life, and we respect that.

    3. The object was fragile. This sounds obvious, but it is surprising how often it comes up.

    4. The cat was not at home. We cannot assess a crime without a suspect.

    5. The cat was at home but asleep. See above.

    6. The cat was at home and awake but sitting very still. We find this the most suspicious of all.

    7. The claim form was filled out in pencil. Pencil is not a commitment.

    8. The claim form was filled out by the cat. This happens more often than you would think.

    9. The object was a candle. Candles are considered to be “already in motion”.

    10. The householder said the words “it just fell”. Nothing just falls.

    A note on the edge

    Our underwriters have spent many years studying the edge, and have concluded that it cannot be insured against, because it is the essence of the thing. If you wish to protect an object, move it away from the edge. If you wish to protect a cat, you cannot.

    Appeals

    A declined claim can be appealed within thirty days using Form 9C. The form requires you to state your case in three sentences, one photograph and a drawing of how you feel. All appeals are reviewed by a panel of three adjusters, who will each give their view in the form of a small yawn.

    How to avoid being on this list

    Move the object. That is all. Move it into a cupboard, a box or a different room, and the cat will find it anyway, but we will respect your effort. If you do not wish to move the object, you may wish to move yourself, ideally to somewhere with fewer shelves.

  • Underwriting Deep Dive: How We Calculate Your Premium

    Underwriting Deep Dive: How We Calculate Your Premium

    Many policyholders ask how we set their premiums. The answer, as with all great questions, is that we look at the cat. This article explains the Purrfect Drop Premium Formula, which has been in use for 40 years and has been updated twice, once to add a column and once to remove a sandwich.

    The basic formula

    Your monthly premium is calculated as follows: the Base Rate, multiplied by the Edge Factor, divided by the Calm Index, plus a small amount for our time. The Base Rate is fixed at the price of a tin of tuna. The other terms deserve some explanation.

    The Edge Factor

    The Edge Factor measures how many objects in your home are located within one paw length of an edge. A tidy home with all items pushed against the wall scores 1.0. A home with a row of glasses along the front of a shelf scores 7.4. A home with a vase, a candle and a laptop on a ledge scores “please call us”.

    The Calm Index

    The Calm Index is a measure of the household cat’s emotional state. A cat who sits quietly in a window scores 8 or 9. A cat who paces at midnight scores 3. A cat who has recently met a laser pointer and is still thinking about it scores zero, and the household is advised to take out a bigger policy.

    Other factors

    • Number of shelves above knee height
    • Presence of houseplants, which are classified as bait
    • Age of the cat, with young cats rated as chaotic and old cats rated as “knowing”
    • Presence of a second cat, which multiplies the premium by a number we do not discuss
    • Whether the household owns a vase named after a relative

    Discounts

    We offer a range of discounts to households that take reasonable steps to reduce risk. A household that stores glasses in a cabinet receives 5 percent off. A household that keeps a spare cardboard box near the table, as a decoy, receives 8 percent. A household that places a small sign reading “please do not” on every shelf receives nothing, because the sign has never worked, but we appreciate the effort.

    Loadings

    A loading is an increase in your premium based on specific risk. A household that has previously made a claim for a broken lamp receives a “lamp loading”. A household that has made a claim for a lamp, a candle and a clock receives the “full set”. A household that has made a claim for a plate, two glasses and a small wedding gift receives a handwritten note.

    Fairness

    We are often asked whether the formula is fair. We believe it is as fair as a cat sitting on a keyboard. It reflects the facts as we see them, and it applies equally to every household regardless of income, status or size of sofa.

    What to do if your premium rises

    If your premium rises, we recommend a calm conversation with the cat. Explain the situation in clear terms. Listen to the cat’s response, which will be a loud meow at 5 AM. Then call us, and we will explain, once more, that the formula is final.

    Thank you for trusting us to measure the immeasurable, one shelf at a time.

    Sample calculation

    Consider a household with one cat, three shelves, a houseplant and a decorative bowl. The Base Rate is one tin of tuna. The Edge Factor is 3.2, because of the bowl. The Calm Index is 6, because the cat is a little distracted. The premium is therefore 3.2 divided by 6, which is roughly half a tin, plus a small amount for our time. Add the plant loading and the result is one tin and a bit. The household pays this happily, in our experience, for about a month.

    Common misunderstandings

    Some policyholders believe their premium will fall if the cat is on a diet. It will not. A thin cat is a faster cat. Others believe that a very old cat poses no risk, and our records show that very old cats hold the highest number of claims per whisker. Experience, as the saying goes, is the best teacher of shelves.