Purrfect Drop Insurance Assessors

Tag: adjusters

  • Assessor Notes: What We Found Under the Sofa This Quarter

    Assessor Notes: What We Found Under the Sofa This Quarter

    Every quarter our adjusters compile a list of items found beneath sofas during claim visits. The list is not an official finding, but it is printed on good paper and pinned to the office wall. This quarter was an unusually productive one.

    Recovered items

    • 14 hair ties, 3 of them still in use
    • 6 pens, none of them working
    • 2 remote controls, one of them for a television that was sold in the spring
    • 41 bottle caps, arranged in a manner that suggests intent
    • 1 sock, which we believe to be a witness
    • A small wooden mouse, named Gerald, which was returned to the cat with an apology

    Observations

    Our adjusters note that the space beneath a sofa is the most reliable archive in the home. Everything that has ever fallen, rolled or been hidden eventually arrives there, and many of these items have been waiting for years. One adjuster found a birthday card dated 2019, addressed to a person who now lives in another city.

    Method

    Items are removed using a long ruler, a torch and a patient attitude. Each is photographed, logged and returned to the policyholder, other than anything alive. We have a firm rule that we do not touch anything that moves, since it is usually the cat.

    Recommendations

    We advise policyholders to clean beneath their sofas at least once a year, or to leave things as they are and enjoy the surprise. Either approach is covered.

    Next quarter

    Our adjusters will turn their attention to the space behind the fridge, which is rumoured to contain a coin, a cork and an unfinished conversation.

    Thanks

    We thank all policyholders who allowed our adjusters to lie on their carpets for the purposes of this survey. Your cooperation, and your biscuits, were noted by every member of the team.

  • Customer Letter: A Thank You From Mrs. Doyle of Number 9

    Customer Letter: A Thank You From Mrs. Doyle of Number 9

    Dear Purrfect Drop Insurance Assessors,

    I am writing to thank you for the way my claim was handled last month. As you know, my cat pushed a framed photograph from the mantel, and it landed on my foot, and I was upset.

    Your adjuster, a small grey cat, arrived the next day. She did not say much. She walked slowly around the room, and then she sat by the fire and looked at me, and I felt understood.

    What impressed me

    • The adjuster did not blame me, though she did look at the shelf
    • She wrote her notes in a very neat paw print
    • She declined tea, but accepted a saucer of milk and a fish
    • My payout arrived in 29 days, and was approximately what I expected, minus a deduction I did not understand

    I would like to say that I will take better care of my shelves in the future. This is not true. I have already purchased another frame, and the cat has already looked at it.

    Yours,

    Mrs. Doyle, Number 9

    A reply from the company

    Thank you for your kind letter, Mrs. Doyle. We are pleased that the adjuster was able to make you feel understood. She has been told. She was already aware.

    Regarding the deduction you did not understand, this refers to the Frame Handling Fee, which applies to any framed item that lands on a foot. We regret that it was not explained at the time, since the adjuster was busy with the fish.

    We note that you have bought another frame and encourage you to place it on the floor, where it will be safe. We look forward to hearing from you again, in about six weeks.

    P.S. The adjuster would like it known that the fish was excellent, and that she has no further comment about the mantel.

    We also enclose a voucher for one free inspection of any shelf of your choice. It expires when the cat decides it does.

  • Memo: New Rule on Dramatic Pauses During Inspections

    Memo: New Rule on Dramatic Pauses During Inspections

    TO: All adjusters

    FROM: Lord Fluffington Claims, Chief Assessor

    RE: Pauses and their appropriate use

    Background

    It has come to my attention that several adjusters have begun to stare at a spot on the wall for extended periods during home inspections. While I admire the commitment, the practice has led to confusion among policyholders, some of whom have asked whether the wall is a witness.

    New rule

    Effective immediately, a dramatic pause may not exceed eleven seconds. A pause longer than eleven seconds will be recorded as a finding, and the adjuster will be asked to state what it was.

    Permitted uses

    • A pause before announcing the cause of damage
    • A pause after the householder says “I don’t know how this happened”
    • A pause while looking at the cat

    Prohibited uses

    • A pause to sleep
    • A pause because the sofa is nice
    • A pause as a substitute for writing the report

    Thank you for your attention. This memo will self destruct when I sit on it.

    Rationale

    The previous rule, which required adjusters to hold eye contact with the policyholder for no longer than six seconds, has proved difficult to enforce. Policyholders respond to eye contact with great emotion, and some have offered to rewrite their entire policy. This is beyond our remit. Pauses, being quieter, are less likely to trigger confessions, though they do produce occasional offers of cake.

    Enforcement

    The Compliance Department, consisting of one cat and a stopwatch, will randomly attend home visits. Where a pause is found to exceed eleven seconds, the adjuster will be required to issue a written apology, to be filed under P for pause. Repeat offenders will be asked to attend a seminar on timing, to be held next Tuesday, if anyone remembers.

    Please acknowledge receipt of this memo by sitting near it.

  • Meet the Adjusters: Toes McGraw

    Meet the Adjusters: Toes McGraw

    Toes McGraw is the senior adjuster at Purrfect Drop Insurance Assessors. She has handled more than 3,000 claims, sat in 800 sunbeams and been told to get off the table on no fewer than 12,000 occasions.

    How she started

    Toes joined the company as a trainee, with no experience and a small, rather nice hat. Her first claim involved a pair of reading glasses, which she approached with great seriousness. “I looked at them for two hours,” she says. “Then I looked at the cat. Then I wrote the word ‘obvious’ and went to lunch.”

    Her approach

    Toes believes in careful, quiet work. She arrives at a scene, scans the room, and sits in the middle of it. She does not ask questions in the first hour. She waits for the household to say too much, which they invariably do.

    Her tools

    • One clipboard, slightly chewed
    • One pen, never used
    • One small torch for looking under things
    • A handkerchief, for the householder

    Her philosophy

    “Every broken thing has a reason,” says Toes. “Usually it is me. But I am not allowed to say so, because of the policy.”

    She lives with two other cats and a plant she is not allowed to touch. In her spare time she enjoys looking at birds.

    On cats and paperwork

    Toes has strong views on forms. She believes that every form should be shorter than the incident it describes, and that no form should ask for the same information twice. “If I have to write my own name more than once,” she says, “I stop writing it.” Her reports are known in the office for being brief, accurate and slightly damp.

    A typical week

    Monday is for reviewing files and sitting on a pile. Tuesday is for home visits, which she dislikes but performs with grace. Wednesday is a day of quiet reflection beside a radiator. On Thursday she sits at the window and looks at the sky for answers. Friday is for tidying her desk, which she does by sweeping everything onto the floor, in the interest of efficiency.

  • Case Study: The Claim of the Crystal Candy Dish

    Case Study: The Claim of the Crystal Candy Dish

    This account is shared with the consent of the policyholder, who asked that we not use her name, her address or her tone of voice. The claim is numbered 40211, and is known in the office simply as “the dish”.

    The report

    On a Thursday afternoon, a crystal candy dish sat on a sideboard in a home in a quiet street. The dish was a family heirloom, inherited from an aunt who had never liked it. It had been on the sideboard for nineteen years, and had acquired a certain dignity.

    At 4:10 PM, according to the policyholder, there was a “small noise”. At 4:11 PM, there was a “slightly larger noise”. At 4:12 PM there was no noise at all, which the policyholder described as “the worst one”.

    The investigation

    Our adjuster, a grey cat called Toes McGraw, arrived the next morning. She conducted a thorough walk through of the room, beginning with the sideboard and ending with a nap. Her notes include the following observations.

    • The sideboard was in good condition and level to within a whisker
    • The dish was no longer on it
    • Nine large fragments and an unknown number of small ones were found on the carpet
    • A single cat, name withheld, was found sitting in a patch of afternoon sun, looking fine

    The interview

    Toes interviewed the household cat for twenty minutes. The cat answered every question with a long blink. When asked whether it had been near the sideboard, it blinked. When asked whether it had touched the dish, it blinked again. When asked whether it felt remorse, it turned and walked away, which Toes recorded as “inconclusive but dignified”.

    The ruling

    After careful review the claim was approved at 60 percent. The reduction reflected the fact that candy dishes are, by nature, risk assets, and that the policyholder had placed the dish “within paw range”. She was also fined a small amount for the phrase “I always knew this would happen”, which our rules classify as hindsight.

    Aftermath

    The policyholder used her payout to purchase a replacement dish, which she placed on a high shelf. The cat observed this from the floor with great calm, and then got on the sideboard. Our office has not heard from the household since, which we take as a compliment.

    Lessons for the industry

    Claim 40211 has been used in training by our department ever since. It demonstrates three principles. First, an heirloom is only as safe as its shelf. Second, cats do not provide testimony, but they do provide atmosphere. Third, an adjuster who naps in the sun after an interview is not neglecting her duty, but reflecting on it.

    Correspondence

    Following the ruling, the policyholder wrote to the company. Her letter ran to four pages and contained the phrase “with respect” eleven times, none of which we believed. Our reply consisted of a single sentence: “Thank you for your letter; the cat has been informed.” She did not write again, and a card from the cat arrived at Christmas.

    Statistics

    Of the 212 claims involving crystal that we received that year, 209 were approved in part, two were declined and one was withdrawn when the dish was found, whole, behind the radiator. The householder was disappointed, and said so, and the cat was seen smiling.

    A note on the Thursday

    We often receive questions about why so many claims occur on a Thursday. The honest answer is that Thursday is a day on which nothing is expected, which is the cat’s favourite kind of day. The office is considering a policy of Thursday vigilance, which would involve staying awake.